Quidditch with the Champions
by Joey the Freaking Potterhead
Summary: Lockhart always wanted to hang out with the Marauders, his chance finally comes and having heard Lockhart speak of his amazing Quidditch skills, James decides to put him to the test.
1. The Awesome and The Wannabe

Gilderoy Lockhart had wanted to hang out with the Marauders for ages; he'd been trying his hardest to fit in

with them; however he was too up himself for them; though he saw himself as awesome and strutted about the

school as though he were the best, the Marauders knew better. It was a clear day and Lockhart had finally

strutted past James; usually he'd miss him around Hogwarts- they'd never see each other being in different

houses and Lockhart always too busy with his hair to care who he spoke to but on this day Lockhart found

himself lucky; he strutted up to James proudly; as though he'd just done something James would be entirely

impressed with, his teeth gleaming white, "Potter!" he grinned.

James turned around and raised an eyebrow at him, "Lockhart."

Lockhart, unable to take in what James' risen eyebrow could have meant simply flashed his pearly whites again,

"Potter! What's up?" he said, with apparent swag which really showed off how much of a wannabe he truly was.

"Uh, not a lot..?" James replied, as he looked at Lockhart slightly questioning but his expression was mostly

amused. "Something I can help you with, Lockhart?"

Lockhart gazed at James as though he were trying to read his thoughts; was _this _what Lockhart looked so

impressed about when he strutted over to James; mind-reading? If this wasn't what he was trying to show off- it

really did look it. "I never need help, but if I have to show him how awesome I am. I will and the only way to do

that is..." he thought to himself, "oh? Why do you ask?" he asked James, apparently curious.

"Oh, I don't know." Said James; to most it'd be obvious he was trying not to laugh, however of course Lockhart

would take it that James found him hilarious. "You just randomly materialised in front of me and yelled out my

name." He grinned. "So I'm just mildly curious to why."

Lockhart laughed hard at this, until he realized James had a point, "I just wanted to say hi." He said, and flashed

James another pearly-white toothed grin, apparently showing his charming good looks off.

"Hey, who wouldn't want to say hi?" James laughed, "Well hi Lockhart." He looked extremely amused now. "Is

that it?"

Lockhart flashed another grin, deep down he felt awkward but he didn't show it; he was acting as though he was

having the best conversation of his life with James for any onlookers in the distance who might see the two

talking but not hear what was being said. "I have no idea; I guess I'm just awesome enough to come, say hi?" he

winked, finally noticed the amusement written all over James' face, "Why such amusement?" He grinned

again; apparently just a casual grin; nothing to show off his white teeth or anything... much. "Well. No; it isn't

all I wanted to say; not exactly. I err... well was wondering if you wanted to hang out some time?" he grinned

again, hoping his charm would entice James to lean more on the yes side. "He wouldn't be able to say no to

Me." he thought to himself.

"_You_ want to hang out?" James said, he raised his eyebrow and his grin turned into a slight smirk. "We're not

braiding each other's hair, if that's what you have in mind... I heard you telling everyone about your "amazing"

Quidditch skills not too long ago?" he said, still smirking. "How about we head out to the pitch sometime then

eh?"

Lockhart smirked, "oh, no hair-braiding; not quite what I had in mind. However if _that's _what you have in your

mind then well..." he grinned cheekily, apparently he'd taken James seriously. "Oh yeah, I'm pretty awesome at

Quidditch; I've caught the snitch twice in my years; first time was a bit of a fluke but the second time I won

pretty damn good!" he boasted with another grin. "Well I caught the snitch... a paper Mache one when mum and

dad bought me my Comet for my eighth birthday to teach me Quidditch but he doesn't know that." He thought

to himself. His face lit up, "sounds great!" he said to James, with great enthusiasm to his voice.

James sniggered, "I always thought hair braiding was more your style mate... so you're on for Quidditch then?"

James asked rhetorically. "Excellent!"

Lockhart smirked, "well if you haven't noticed already; I actually don't braid my hair; it's perfect the way it is

already." He grinned once again to apparently remind James of his charm as he smoothed his already smooth

hair down, "Of course I am! I've been told I am quite a competition, just be warned."

"Oh of course!" said James, in mock realisation. "However I missed that before is _beyond _me!" he said with

dramatic hand gestures, causing a few nearby people to snigger. Remus, being one of the few people, couldn't

help but laugh. "Oh don't worry, Lockhart; I'm quite well aware of the uh... "competition." You are for me."

James said, rolling his eyes.

Lockhart, unable to read James' sarcasm grinned at James. "How did you _not _realize that?" he asked,

apparently surprised. "Well... aside from the obvious of course." He said as he winked at James and laughed

along with Remus; obviously he thought Remus was laughing with Lockhart, who'd laughed harder than he

should have and couldn't stop even once Remus had stopped which gained him some odd stares. Once he

managed to settle himself, he turned to James and raised an eyebrow. "Oh really?" he smiled knowingly, "I take

it you've heard then?" he said with a proud grin. "Excellent."

"Sarcasm a foreign language to you Gilderoy...?" James sniggered. "Oh well, just add it to the list of things for

you to learn eh?" he added with a smirk. Remus sat on the ground, grinning at James in response to his

comments. "Should we go now then eh?" James asked Lockhart, "while we've got an audience?" he said, and

faked a bow and gestured majestically with his arm for Lockhart to go first.

"Sarcas-" Lockhart paused, about to question when James said about sarcasm being a foreign language to him,

but apparently realized what he was on about, "oh... well... no, not really; it's just... you seemed so serious when

you said that." He grinned. "Oh I will; there are _some _things I have to learn; I'm not here for nothing, you

know? It's just, sarcasm isn't one of them." He said, secretly making a mental note to make a list of things he

needed to learn and to add sarcasm to it. He winked at James, grinned at Remus then bowed back to James. "Of

course we should!" he grinned.

"Mmm, people say my sarcasm is too good for the people I direct it at to understand." He laughed, and waited

for Remus to stand up. "Come on then, let's go!" he said once Remus straightened up.


	2. Taking to the Pitch

The three of them walked down the hallway, people that surrounded them could already tell what was happening and decided they wanted to go see James easily

upstage Lockhart, followed Lockhart, Remus and James out to the Quidditch Pitch. On the way, James turned to Lockhart. "Nervous Lockhart?" he asked. Right at this

moment, Sirius rushed down the corridor after apparently seeing the crowd in the distance, he caught up with them fully intent on watching James beat Gilderoy's arse

in Quidditch.

James smirked at Sirius, "Hey Padfoot; was wondering when you'd show." Remus turned around and waved at Sirius as James said this.

Sirius waved to Remus and grinned at James, "as if I'd miss the chance to see you wipe the cocky smile off an overconfident Ravenclaw's face."

James laughed, "What's the bet I knock him outta the sky?"

Remus rolled his eyes, "no killing, James."

"Aww come on, Rem, "I'll just play the position of "Bludger." James said, winking at Sirius.

Remus sighed dramatically, "James, 'Bludger' isn't a position on a Quidditch team; it's a ball."

"So he _does _pay attention!" A few people laughed at this comment of James', Remus couldn't help but grin.

Lockhart was listening to the conversation, smirking to himself; little did anyone know he was deeply thinking, "I'm going to die..." He looked at James, "oh come on! I

know more than you guys think!" he grinned.

Sirius laughed, "That's a surprise." He turned to Remus, "hey Rem; what else do you know about Quidditch?"

Lockhart chuckled to himself, secretly taking in everything Remus said about Quidditch. "Maybe I'm not gonna die." He thought, feeling a somewhat ray of hope.

"Oh shut-up Sirius!" Remus laughed, shoving Sirius at the same time.

James sniggered, "sure you do Lockhart, did I say you didn't?" he said and grinned evilly at Lockhart. "Let's get this over with then hey?" he said. They reached the

Quidditch pitch and James stripped his jacket off and tossed it at Sirius with a wink and said in a dramatic voice that he occasionally used on Lily to annoy her, "I'm

doing this for you Padfoot." He waved 'seductively' at him and pointed his wand, "Accio broomstick!" he called, within an instant his broom flew towards him, just before

it reached him, he jumped into the air and landed on it at the exact right time and shot off around the stadium with a definite smirk on his face. Remus chose a seat and

sat down to watch. Sirius waved ecstatically to James with fake enthusiasm as he took a seat next to Remus.

"No of course you didn't." Lockhart said to James, "you don't doubt me at all." he grinned. "Yep." He said as he dramatically stripped his jacket off as though he were

about to go in and jump someone. He laughed hard at the seductive wave, he watched as James Accio'd his broom and wondered how he managed to conjure a broom

out of mid-air. "Good thing I bought my broom with Me." he mumbled to himself, as he'd grabbed it on his way to the Pitch. He mounted it wonkily, before he could kick

off from the ground he was already wobbling slowly and wonkily into mid-air, Neville Longbottom style.


	3. Failing in Style

Remus turned to Sirius while watching Lockhart slowly and wobbly float into the air, "I almost feel sorry for Lockhart; he doesn't stand a chance." he said as others

settled in around them.

Sirius laughed to himself, leant over and whispered to Remus, "looks like Lockhart's in for a brutal loss eh?" as James took a few speedy laps of the stadium and

reached the middle, apparently bored of lapping as he lounged easily on his broom, as though it were a couch, his legs dangled off the edge even though if he fell it

would definitely be to his death. "How you feeling, Lockhart?" he called to the git still wobbling around on his broom, "let's see what you can do then?" he smirked as

he swept his own hair back to mess it up more, the stands audibly hummed with comments as he did so.

Remus, after watching the scene with James and Lockhart; not wanting to miss a second of it, turned to Sirius and nodded, "we'll take him to the hospital wing if he

needs it when it's over." He said with a glare as if to say, "or else." However the effect wasn't quite what he wanted as he couldn't control the wide grin spread across

his face.

"ENNNNNNGGGGHHHH! Keep calm... Merlin this is wonky..." Lockhart thought to himself. He leant back on his broom, almost slid off the end and grinned at James.

"Prepared to be amazed!" he called dramatically as though hosting a magic show. His flying lessons with his parents must have paid off some as he actually managed

to steady the broom and fly forwards, cruising at an estimate speed of 5km/h wonkily around the pitch. He sped up slightly; this time almost _flew_ off the end, through

reflex, he gripped the handle tighter, in hope that it didn't happen again and swept his hair out of his face to add more apparent impression.

James openly sniggered and begun to literally fly circles around Lockhart before he flew over to the three goal hoops. He walked along the top of one of his hands, his

broom secured firmly between his legs. When he reached the end of the first hoop, he kicked his broom into the air, swung through the first hoop, landed on the broom

again and pulled into a sharp dive. "This is too easy." he thought to himself. Remus rolled his eyes at James, half-heartedly; he was actually enjoying it.

Lockhart looked at James and almost fell off his broom; his second note of things to learn was, of course to not do that again either. He attempted to speed up and

somehow managed to gain another 5km on top of the speed he was doing; upon watching James, he decided he'd give it a go; he flew towards the hoops, however

through pure misjudgement, found he had to swerve to miss the post by a few inches, slipping off his broom in the process; he dangled from his broom holding the

middle of it with both hands, his fingers felt as though they were about to snap off or slip or something, slowly and carefully he swung himself back on and flew off

again, slow and wonky. "I must say!" he called to James, "it has been a while since I'd last flown!"

James pulled out of his dive and sat on his broom to watch Lockhart; "has it?" he called back. "Shame really! I thought someone like you would have been at the top of

their game all the time!" he used a sloth-grip roll to hang upside down off the broom, he flew a little closer to the ground and plucked a few stray dandelions from the

pitch and righted back up; he flew passed the stands and dropped them into a few of the girls' laps. Although he was dating Lily; he couldn't help but to be a flirt. He

flew back up, level with Lockhart again, a wide grin on his face.

Lockhart grinned at James and called, "last broom got ruined against some of the champion Quidditch players!" he smirked and watched James rather impressed. "Nice

one that was, James!" he said and attempted to follow his footsteps, he pushed his broom down into a dive and dove speedily yet wonky to the ground, he pulled his

broom up about five meters from ground level and slowly lowered himself down, inch at a time. Once he reached a meter or so from the ground, he used one hand to

hold the broom handle, though it was scraping the grass and the other to reach down as far as he could to pluck a dandelion, worried his broom would hit the ground,

though he didn't show it; he felt he knew what he was doing. He pulled his broom down an inch further and continued to stretch to reach the dandelion.

James laughed, "Very original, Lockhart!" he rolled his eyes and casually stood up on his broom as though it were completely normal, grinned at Sirius with knowledge

that this was a completely normal thing for Sirius as much as it was for himself.

Lockhart rolled his broom accidently but of course apparently made it seem as though it were deliberate, his back to the ground, he held the broom handle with one

arm, sloth-style. His other arm flailed about, almost lifelessly as it tried to get back to the broom handle so he could flip his broom back over. "This is how I usually do it,

a bit of suspense is always good you know?" he said with a wink.

James couldn't help himself as he called out, "Mmm... Nice technique there Lockhart!" a few people in the stands laughed, Remus cringed as he waited for the impact of

Lockhart's back with the ground. James casually jumped off his broom, caught the handle, hung there in mid-air, and swung his legs a few times before doing a full 360

degree turn-over which he repeated three more times, mounted his broom again in the air and dove down to Lockhart, he flew easily level with him and slot-rolled next

to the upside down git.

.


	4. Skills of a Waffle

Lockhart couldn't help but to chuckle, "you will see James." He smirked. "I'll just go with the plan I let them win." he thought to himself. He'd watched James from his

upside-down sloth position and wondered how he'd done what he'd done. He finally managed to flip the broom over and flew higher into the air, apparently forgetting

about the dandelions. He pointed the end of his broom to the ground, lowered then pushed it back up, causing it to halt. "So that's how you flip." He said to himself as

though he'd realized how to properly flip as he rolled the broom once again, sloth-style then the right way up (Possum-style) and grinned, apparently he'd named this a

complete flip.

James yawned pointedly and flipped three times in a row before he spiralled off in the other direction; he looped himself back upside-down then flipped up the right way

before he flew up to the top of the stands, flew along the line of bystanders and hi-fived the ones in the first row since they're closer. He drew out his wand and

pointed it out in front of him. "Accio Quaffle!" he said as a Quaffle flew in front of him, he caught it without looking at it to show off. He raised an eyebrow at Lockhart-

raising the stakes. "Let's see what you can do with a Quaffle, Lockhart!" he called and ditched it at him.

Lockhart grinned, "Oh I've caught plenty of those!" he said proudly. "Oh Merlin, save my sexy butt." He mumbled to himself. He saw the Quaffle fly towards him, took a

deep breath and flew towards it; he stretched an arm out and caught it... with none other than his fellow air particles. He looked at James, "well James; you could have

thrown it better than _that_!" he grinned, although he were being serious.

James rolled his eyes, "Mmm because _my_ throwing is _clearly _to blame." James replied with an extremely heavy layer of sarcasm.

Lockhart nodded at James, _still _unable to read his sarcasm, though it was as obvious as a cow in the backyard of a city apartment. "Yeah, you have to admit; it was a

pretty bad throw for _me _to be unable to catch it." He said emphasising himself greatly.

James rolled his eyes once more, "just shoot the goal Lockhart!" he said impatiently. "Before I knock you out of the air." He thought t to himself.

Lockhart looked at the goal post then back at James and grinned; "Alright, I will!" he said smartly as he slowly and wonkily flew into position to catch the Quaffle which

he finally caught after a small throw; he held the Quaffle as he continued to fly slowly and just as wobbly to the goal and slipped the it through the hoop without having

to throw it. "I TOLD YOU!" he beamed.

James raised an eyebrow at him; he was surprised it wasn't aching with how much eyebrow-raising Lockhart had caused him. "You're supposed to _let go _of the Quaffle."

He frowned at him and caught the Quaffle just before it hit the ground. He took it and sped off down the pitch and easily scored goal after goal with what seemed, no

effort at all.

Lockhart watched on, rather impressed, "Nice one, that was! Of course _I _can do better." He grinned and took the Quaffle, threw it _at _the goal and watched as it hit the

post and rebounded off. "Well when I aim of course- you can't expect me to have scored without aiming." He said smartly.

"Aim then." Said James, slightly annoyed.

Lockhart grinned and flew towards the goal post; he stopped a few feet away, threw the Quaffle and fluked it into the first hoop. "TOLD YOU!" he beamed once

more. "How did I do that?" he thought to himself.

"Second hoop." Said James, he didn't bother to hold onto his broom with his hands and folded his arms as he watched. "Do it again."

Lockhart grinned once more, "alright I will!" he threw the Quaffle after a few minutes of aiming, a few feet over the hoop. "Well... that was s'posed to happen of

course."

He said matter-of-factly. "I was testing my throwing skills by seeing how far I can throw; it _has _been a while after all."


	5. The Next Level

"Mhmm..." James replied; it was obvious if you're name wasn't Gilderoy Lockhart that he was growing tired of this. "I've got a way to settle this, Lockhart... first to ten

goals wins. We'll release the Bludgers, make it interesting. Surely _you _can handle that no worries, right?"

"Of course I can handle it!" Lockhart grinned, not even noticing the annoyance and the obvious resistance of the urge to send him flying off his broom.

"Padfoot?" James called out to Sirius, "can you get the Bludgers mate? We're raising the stakes." He smirked.

Lockhart smirked with full confidence he would be able to handle this. He waited for the Bludgers unable to read James' feelings at all due to being too thick-minded. It

was obvious James was growing annoyed with him but who could be annoyed with Lockhart? No one of course... "He could make it easier." Lockhart thought deep

down.

The Bludgers were released from their casing and flew straight for James and Gilderoy. James dodged the speeding Bludgers with ease and took off with the Quaffle,

while Lockhart wobbled around on his broom, managing to dodge the Bludgers but with great and _very _obvious difficulty. James found this easier than a training

session; he found it almost boring as he shot a goal and threw the Quaffle back to the middle of the pitch to make it a fair game, sped off after it and dove to avoid a

Bludger. Lockhart saw the Quaffle and tried to speed towards it, he apparently forgot about the Bludgers for some time as he obviously wasn't expecting what

happened next; not wanting to ruin his perfectly toned face, he slowed down a little, saw a Bludger, dove and of course almost fell off his broom.

James scooped the Quaffle up in one arm and flew toward a Bludger just to show off; he ducked under it and raced down the pitch, easily outstripped it and scored

another goal before yelling out to Lockhart, "Give up now Lockhart! Before you wind up in the hospital wing!"

"Of course I won't give up!" Lockhart yelled back, he flew towards James, near-missing another Bludger, idiotically pulled his broom to a halt and watched James score.

James balanced a Quaffle between two fingers, "You sure? Wouldn't want to get hit, would you now?" A Bludger sped up behind him as Lockhart remained stationary in

the air.

Lockhart grinned and flew out of the way before the Bludger flew at him; he'd almost been hit by the second one in the process. "I _was _going to dodge it but okay,

seeing you're _that _bad of an aim." Lockhart said and playfully winked.

James' expression darkened, as insulting his Quidditch skills is one of those things that really gets to him, "Watch it, Lockhart." He warned.

It's alright Potter." Lockhart said hesitantly, "I know you're an awesome Quidditch player." He added not wanting to insult him _too _badly.

"Then I'd be careful what you say if I were you." James said darkly.

Lockhart smirked, "alright Potter." He said and sloth rolled.

James couldn't help but feel rather surprised Lockhart hadn't stacked it yet as he threw the Quaffle threw the goal posts.

Deep down, Lockhart wondered how he'd managed to not fall out of the sky himself. He looked at James, rather impressed of his goal and flashed him a toothy grin, "I

can do that too!" he bragged.

"Go on then." James rolled his eyes and ditched the Quaffle at Lockhart.

Lockhart tried his hardest to catch it and rolled his broom for a more dramatised catch, also apparently to add swag. He miraculously caught the Quaffle before his roll of

course and threw it twenty away from the goal.

James clapped _extremely _slowly; it was _obvious _sarcasm, complete, _dead obvious _sarcasm. Of course though Lockhart sat up on his broom and gave what seemed to be

a bow. "I knew you'd like that, James!" he beamed.

James looked at him, "tell me something Lockhart; are you _honestly _that clueless?"

Lockhart looked at him and shook his head, "no. I know you're impressed with that catch. It was brilliant!" he said proudly. "The throw! Well look how far it went!" he

beamed.

"It went in the _wrong_ direction." James pointed out.

"I know; _that _was also intentional; I wanted to see if I could throw further than I did last time." He said coolly. "Come on, Potter; this isn't a _real _Quidditch game. You

_can _muck around you know?"

"Lucky for you it's not." James said and dodged both Bludgers without looking. "Or you would have been knocked out cold in roughly two seconds."

"Two seconds is a bit harsh don't you think? I amone of the _best_ players in a _real _Quidditch game." He grinned and wobbled out of the way of an oncoming Bludger.

"Mmm... somehow I don't quite believe you."

Lockhart smirked, "well it seems a lot don't; another reason to prove myself eh?" Lockhart winked. "I wonder if he could teach me a few tricks." he thought to himself.

"You know what?" James said looking at Lockhart. "So you _can _'prove yourself,' we should have a Quidditch game. After the Quidditch final. We'll see how good you

actually are with other players on the field. You can play Chaser for your team and I'll play Chaser for my team."

"What's Chaser?" thought Lockhart. "Sounds great!" Lockhart grinned, "I'll be looking forward to it." He said with a wink.

James and Lockhart landed, James caught one of the Bludgers while Sirius ran over and caught the other; the two cased them, then put the Quaffle away. James sent

his broom back. They each said their goodbyes. Lockhart of course had to shake hands with James and say, "good game." As though he'd just played something

serious. He ran back to the Common Room; where on his way he ran into Rita Skeeter, the news paper reporter. He told her his Quidditch match with some champion

Quidditch players and how he'd come so close to winning a tournament but had decided to "let" them win; he told her of his near misses with two Bludgers and how

he'd almost crashed into another player after trying to dodge a Bludger; he had to make himself lose to make the story more believable, however he didn't want Rita to

know this did he?


End file.
